Perfection

So one of the things I've been thinking about a lot in quarantine is perfection. It's a word that's thrown around a lot, particularly in my own mind. For as long as I can remember, I've always been a bit of a perfectionist. As a result, it seems I'm always trying to find perfection not only within my work, but my life.

This kind of perfectionism often trickles down into my day to day routine and the standards I uphold for myself. While I don't think self-improvement is bad at all, I find it's become entirely one-dimensional. Don't believe me? Try looking up "A Healthy Day in My Life" on YouTube.

Despite the millions of results your search will yield, you'll find only one video disguised under a million different thumbnails. It goes something like this: you wake up somewhere between 5 and 7am, meditate, have your cup of coffee, and head off to your workout (with your tan, thin, and toned body, DUH). You then come home to shower and get ready for your day, taking a full hour to enjoy your oh so delicious, healthy breakfast. Fast forward eight hours and you are back home from work unwinding with your favorite book, educational content, or news—basically, *insert productive or self-bettering task of choice here.* Next, you eat your healthy, meal-prepped dinner, but of course, never while watching TV. After you clean up your entire dinner and apartment (or mansion), you spend your night working on your side hustle or passion project. You end your night reading and make sure to be asleep by 9 or 10pm to guarantee your optimal eight hours rest.

Now, let's get clear on something: I am by no means saying that this routine is bad. To be honest, I envy this routine, hence why I've watched enough of those videos to relay it back to you. But, what I've come to realize, particularly over this last year, is that not all parts of the routine are optimal for me. Now, you might be thinking HA! Morgan, you silly girl. This is the optimal routine for everyone. Why do you think there are millions of people preaching it??? DER. To which I say, AHA, I see you are stuck in the same trap I was. The mere reproduction of the same theme, the same day, and the same habits has led us to believe that there is one standard to live by and the above description is IT. But, surprise surprise, this ain't true. Once again, I am disappointed to report there remains no one formula for happiness or success. :////

While, of course, I'm sure there are a lot of people whose optimal day does look like that which I described above, there are also a lot of people living in the lie that their day should look like that. To my former point, if you live and breathe this routine and find that it brings you nothing but the utmost joy and satisfaction, KEEP DOING IT. But, if you're someone like me, and you find yourself following parts of this routine solely to maintain the image of a productive, picturesque life, it may be time to experiment with your routine.

Now what's tricky here is that sometimes in order to better ourselves, we need to do things that we don't like or that make us uncomfortable. For instance, I really don't like meditating. I can name very few times I have ever felt "in the mood" to do it. BUT, I love what it does for me. I always feel better after doing it, and not because it ticks a box off the to-do list, but because it greatly reduces my anxiety, allows me to be more patient, and better connects me to my emotions. It is these feelings that tell me meditation is something worth keeping in my routine, even if I dread the task itself. That being said, if you have tried meditating for a month or longer and feel no differently after, or if it leaves you feeling worse than when you started, that's OKAY. And it's okay to cut it from your routine. Don't feel obligated to practice meditating because you feel like it's something you should do. I know I'm guilty of this and it's led me to hold onto old habits that don't necessarily add value to my life.

On the flip side, I am also guilty of cutting out habits that bring me genuine happiness merely because they aren't advertised as a part of the prototyped, healthy and productive daily routine. For instance, watching TikTok. Does scrolling TikTok for hours make me a better person? Not in the slightest. BUT, does it make me a happier person? Abso-forking-lutely. I can think of multiple occasions where TikTok has reversed my mood entirely—and for that reason, I've learned it's worth keeping in my routine, despite the fact that it's not "healthy" or "productive."

Of course, as with anything, this does not mean the more the better. Like my mom says, everything in moderation. Watching TikTok for five hours a day probably isn't healthy, the same way working out five hours a day probably isn't either.

For these reasons, I've really tried to make a conscious effort during this quarantine to experiment with my own personal schedule. I ask myself: which to-dos are adding real value to my life (even if they are somewhat of a drag to motivate myself for) and which ones are only adding a check on my to-do list? Which ones leave me feeling happier and more fulfilled and which ones only create a false sense of productivity and perfection? These questions force me to understand why I do the things I do, helping me to live a life of intention.

There's nothing to be ashamed of in wanting productivity and perfection, but don't let your happiness rely on whether or not you obtain that. We all find happiness in and from different things, and that's OKAY. But, learn where to find yours and not the internet's definition of yours because no matter how hard you try, you can't trick yourself into genuine happiness— not even by living out the perfect routine, day, or life.