New Year, Same Me (But Better... Hopefully)

As I was meditating yesterday morning, I had the bright idea to write a blog post about my goals for 2020. So much for the meditating, right?

I used to call my new year's goals resolutions, but after listening to many podcasts about the power of framing, I decided to rename them for what they are: goals. Things I want to do, not resolve. In this way, they are no longer reminders of my shortcomings, but potential progress.

Last year was the first year I actually wrote down my goals in a place where I remembered and I can honestly say it not only made a difference in their significance to me, but their completion. I try to stick with making around ten new goals each year—any more and I no longer have the resources or the stamina to see them through. I also try and make my goals as quantitative as possible that way I can actually measure my progress.

Anyway, without further ado, here is my list of goals and why they are my goals.

1. Listen to myself and what I want, not what others want from me or what I perceive to be "right."

Wowza, talk about a front loader. This one's a big one, not to mention it completely counteracts my own advice of making my goals quantitative. I guess this goal is more so a reminder than anything. The longer I've been in college, the easier I've found it to become lost. Not so much lost in my identity (as I think I have a pretty sure sense of self), but rather lost in the media's definitions of success. It's easy for me to fall victim to big tech when Berkeley is parked right next to Silicon Valley, but when it comes down to it, I know that industry would not fulfill me. I mean sure, some fat paychecks would be nice, but not if it comes at the expense of my passions and happiness. So this year, I'm honing in on what me, myself, and I want, not what my bank account or my LinkedIn connections want for me.

2. Meditate at least three times a week.

I tried to meditate for the first time this past summer. Let me tell you, nothing tests your patience more than working data entry for eight hours a day, three days a week, by yourself. I quickly realized the only way to survive not talking for that long was to have people talk to me. Behold, my love for podcasts was born. That's when I really started considering meditation more seriously—however, this consideration was as serious as it got. I'd meditate for a few consecutive days and then deem it wasn't for me merely because I didn't apply myself. However, my goldfish sized attention span will not win this time—not over my stubborn mind it won't. In fact, my hope is that it will help resolve my dwindling focus and ADHD tendencies.

I have a really bad habit of letting myself overthink things to the point of pure incapacitation—both of the mind and body. I send myself into a spiral with my thoughts and emotions until I am nothing but an infiltrated blob of chaos. This leads to nothing but dramatic conclusions and rash actions—things I would very much like to avoid. The goal of this meditation for me is to set a time for me to check in with myself. For instance, yo Morgan, why are you hungry for four meals a day??? Are you depressed or are you malnourished from all the toast you've had for dinner the past week? It's like the sober version of some good kush! It lets you mellow out while gaining insight to a different, unexposed part of yourself.

3. Don't go on my phone for the first thirty minutes of the day.

The idea for this one is to wake up to a clear mind and bask in it for more than thirty seconds before sending my cortisol on high from the notifications blowing up my phone. Before I go to sleep, I turn my phone on airplane mode, that way there is no temptation to check my notifications or catch up on what friends on another time zone are doing upon my wake. Taking these thirty minutes away from my phone in the morning allows me to have a moment of reset, to ease into the day. It's funny because the first few days I did this, I woke up anxious to get back to the messages I figured I had awoken to. But, as the days progressed, I found myself anxious to turn off airplane mode because of all the obligations, stress, and messages I knew would be awaiting me.

4. Make a three item gratitude list everyday (and try not to repeat :O).

I've always heard this thrown out as a suggestion in those life optimization videos and podcasts (you know exactly the ones I'm talking about), but never put it into practice. It's so easy for me to reconfigure situations to convince myself that people don't like me—one lonely moment turns into an entire pity party. I often have to stop and remind myself of just how good I've got it, and this gratitude list is a great, tangible way to do that. Taking two minutes a day to jot down three things I'm grateful for and a short explanation for why has been so grounding. It allows me to briefly reflect on the day—more importantly, the good parts of it. It forces me to reanalyze situations and find their silver lining, no matter how small. So while it's important not to get lost in the highlight reel of other people's lives (cough cough, social media), I've found that getting lost in the highlight reel of my own can be quite humbling.

5. Don't be later than five minutes anywhere.

Here's a prime example of me trying to make my goals quantitative even when they aren't. This goal is not to say that I am aiming to be five minutes late everywhere, but rather that I'm not naive enough to think that I can transform a life long habit in a matter of days. The five minutes is merely a temporary buffer for this first month of adjustment (so I say). People always say that being late is the ultimate sign of disrespect. It presumes that your time is more important than that of whomever you are meeting. While of course this is not the intention of my slow moving, often sleep-deprived self, it oftentimes is the result. I've always had a terrible habit of being late everywhere, even if it's only a few minutes, and I don't want to be my own pet peeve: a pompous poo who holds themselves above others. Therefore, I'm trying (and mark my words) WILL change.

6. Be able to do one pull-up.

This one kind of formed as a dormant goal in the back of my mind last year, but I never took the initiative to mobilize it (do we see a theme??? I'm thinking so). A big part of why I first started working out was to develop strength. I wanted to empower myself as a woman and know that if I were to get caught in a bad situation, I'd at least have a better chance at defending myself. Not to mention, being able to carry two full bags of groceries ten minutes back from the store without getting winded would be nice.

7. Run a 5k or 10k by the end of the year.

I've always wanted to be a runner, but anytime I've seriously tried I've given up out of snooze-inducing, treadmill scenery (I'm looking at you, WALL) or my persistent shin splints. Last summer I got really into doing HIIT workouts, particularly on the treadmill. Needless to say, in typical Morgan fashion I did too much, too quickly. I ended up having to take two months off of cardio, but now that I've been doing it again for awhile, I decided to pick running back up—particularly, to enjoy the beautiful scenery that is Copenhagen. WOW, who would've ever thought running could be so pleasant??? To all my friends who hate running, DON'T LOSE HOPE. With mostly flat land and beautiful, engaging scenery, it was the least-workout workout I've done in awhile. I had a chance to aimlessly find my way, literally feeling out the city for myself.

Running a marathon has always been something on my life bucket list—something I know I want to do before I die, but don't have the means to do now (seeing as a two mile run gives me shin splints, ha). However, I do have the means to complete a 5k or 10k now—or rather, will (preferably without shin splints), and in turn, take a baby step toward my marathon goal.

8. Cook at least one new recipe a month.

I set this as a goal for myself after I spent last semester surviving off the same twelve ingredients and three meals. For a girl who loves eating, I've never loved eating less. Not to say I still didn't love it, it just lost a bit of its charm. And frankly, that comes as no surprise. Who wouldn't be sick of eating the same meals, seven days a week, for five months??? People who don't like eating, I guess. Needless to say, I wanted to rediscover the joy of food while also diversifying my cooking skills (seeing as of right now it pretty much consists of eggs and toast). It's ironic because since coming here, just by chance, I have cooked multiple times with other people in my study abroad program. It's so fun and very "hygge" as the Danes would say. I'm excited to keep up this goal up and bring the camaraderie it has created here back home.

9. Read at least one leisure book a month.

This was one of my goals last year, but seeing as it's back on the list this year, one might suspect it didn't go so well the first go around. I want to make reading a habit, a part of my everyday routine. I find that it's so easy to opt for social media or Netflix instead of reading in my free time because it requires such minimal effort. Still, it does not bring me the same value reading does. The reason this goal failed last year is because I found that when I have heaps of assigned reading for homework, the last thing I want to do in my free time is do more reading. Yet, now that I'm studying abroad, I think my school reading load will lighten a bit and allow me to fill in that remainder with leisure reading.

10. Don't be so focused on money that it takes away from my experiences.

This one is a big one for me. I've always been someone who is prudent with my money—in part, because I've never had much of it. Although ironically, ever since I've started making my own money, I've been even more hesitant to spend it. While sure, it's important to save where you can and not spend on frivolous things, I find that it has escalated to become a burden on my mind and oftentimes experiences. If someone doesn't pay me back immediately, I'm stressed. If I spend more than twenty dollars in a day, even on a special occasion, I start glitching. For me, money is a disease and it SHOULDN'T BE!!!

While I'm abroad I really want to get the most of my experience and travel as much as I can. However, this means dropping money while I'm not making it back. As stressful as this is, I want to remind myself that these are long-term investments—life experiences that are adding value, perspective, and awareness into my life. Not to mention, they are cheaper to have here, now, while I'm already halfway across the world. This year I am transforming my relationship with money. I'm reframing it to understand that it's intended to be spent on YOLO experiences.

Part of the reason I wanted to write out my goals in this post is because I knew that it would hold me somewhat more accountable—the same way writing them in my personal journal last year seemed to hold me more accountable. I have a feeling 2020 is going to be a mighty good year so let's get after it and show up for ourselves for once!!!!! As my friend Bianca so eloquently put it, 2020 is the year of "BOLD AND BALANCED." HELL YEAH IT IS BUDDY.