An Ode to Love

Valentine's day is the weirdest day to me. It's a designated day to celebrate our partners, even though most relationships already have their own designated day of celebration: an anniversary. In this way, Valentine's Day seems to be more of a consumerist ploy than anything. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm not going to object to the affirmations and gifts that come with it, but I've always found it funny that we only celebrate one kind of love on this day: romantic love. And yes, while romantic love IS fun and passionate and challenging, at the end of the day, as my mom says, it's conditional. What isn't conditional is the love you have for your family. Where's the familtine day??? We got Mother's day and Father's day, but where's the the family anniversary? Where's the day to celebrate whatever cohesive unit you got?

I had a conversation with one of my close friends, Veronica, here the other day and we got onto the topic of family life. She told me that she didn't have the greatest relationship with her parents growing up, for as soon as her sister graduated high school she became the only point of displacement for her parents' anger and frustration. This ultimately led her to run away for a night the summer before college. Despite how unpleasant her stories of over-heightened, vocal arguments with her parents were, she continually reiterated that despite the horrible things she had said to her mom (and vice versa), they would do anything for each other.

Now, let me have a quick, nostalgic movie moment here.

How crazy is that? The fact that we will quite literally say or do anything for love. And yes, while this can lead to intermissions of hurt, it ultimately attests to the trust and truth of your relationship. You're not going to confront someone's flaws if you know that they'll leave you on behalf of it. And while sure, I'm not advocating that you go and crumble a loved one's self-esteem, I think it's important to give ourselves grace for past things we may have said, or that loved ones have said to us. Hurtful words and actions are ultimately a tribute to the strength and closeness of your bond with someone—or so I, the self-acclaimed love doctor, think. Once again, I am in no way promoting toxic or abusive relationships. You know when someone is speaking with malintent versus rash emotion. But, let us remember that at the end of the day, we are all just trying to prove ourselves to each other in this world—that we're deserving of love, both from ourselves and others. As The Perks of Being a Wallflower so simply puts it, "We accept the love we think we deserve."

When I meet couples that tell me they don't fight, I instantly have reservations, and I'm sure many of you have the same. It's human nature to get frustrated with people, no matter who they are and how much you love them. So just because there's no fighting, doesn't mean it's a seamless relationship. In fact, oftentimes, it seems the opposite: it's a secretive relationship where people are hiding their emotions and/or actions. In this way, I've always admired my parents. My parents aren't perfect by any means—I would hope no one's are, or else they wouldn't be doing their job. I've seen them fight plenty of times, with different levels of intensity. But frankly, I'm so thankful for it.

*My cute parents!!!

They have taught me how to communicate by example. They have shown me that relationships aren't always smooth sailing. There will likely be times where you say or do things you don't mean and that's just a part of life—but that isn't a testament to your relationship. Whether or not you can forgive each other and come together at the end of the day is. It is for that, I admire them so much. I have so many friends who tell me they don't think their parents are in love or they can't tell. The reason I know my parents are still in love is because despite the bicker, they constantly work at their relationship, and the year always culminates with a toast of appreciation for one another. So, to mom and dad if you're reading this, thank you for showing me all the parts of your relationship—both good and bad. It's taught me both what to do and not to do, and ultimately how to sustain a life with someone for decades.

Applying this to my own relationship has been something I'll tell you. This is my second time doing long distance, although the first time was a bit of a cheat seeing as we were only a five hour drive apart. However, now that we're a fifteen hour flight apart, things are a bit different. Let me tell you, it sucks. Long distance manages to flesh out all of your insecurities, as well as your partner's. And while it's frightening that just a few thousand miles can call you out for who and what you are like that, I've noticed in these two short periods how much it has grown both myself and my relationship. You are forced to be upfront not only with your partner, but yourself and how you feel. It requires an immense amount of personal reflection, time, effort, and emotional toll everyday.

I think long distance relationships can be equated most clearly to the definition of a symbiotic relationship: "A symbiotic relationship is a special type of interaction between species. Sometimes beneficial, sometimes harmful, these relationships are essential to many organisms and ecosystems, and they provide a balance that can only be achieved by working together." In long distance relationships, though you are working as entirely separate individuals, at the end of the day (or beginning, depending on time differences) you come together to find an equilibrium. And while this equilibrium may be thrown off at times, as soon as it rebounds, everything settles and life seems just a wee bit easier.

So with this, I conclude this post. No matter what kind of relationship we are talking about, romantic or platonic, we should celebrate all the forms of love we are lucky enough to encounter on this day. No matter how confusing, annoying, and burdensome love gets, it never ceases to bring joy, excitement, and fulfillment into my life. Today is the one day we can stop trying to prove to ourselves and others that we are deserving of love. We can just simply accept that we are. So bask in it. Accept and give all the love, no matter how deserving you deem yourself.